01. Don’t lose who you are, in the blur of the stars.
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing.
It’s okay not to be okay.
Sometimes it’s hard to follow your heart.
Tears don’t mean you’re losing, everybody’s bruising.
Just be true to who you are
- Jessie J “Who You Are”
02. All along, I was searching for, my Lenore
In the words of Mr. Edgar Allan Poe
Now I’m sober and ‘Nevermore’
Will the Raven come to bother me at home
- Utada Hikaru “Kremlin Dusk”
03. I know what it takes to move on
I know how it feels to lie
All I wanna do is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven’t got
- Linkin Park “Waiting For the End”
04. It’s so loud inside my head
With words that i should’ve said as
I drown in my regrets
I cant take back the words i never said
- Lupe Fiasco ft. Skylar Grey “Words I Never Said”
05. No warning sign, no alibi
We’re fading faster than the speed of light
Took our chance, crashed and burned
No one will ever, ever learn
I fell apart, but got back up again
And then I fell apart, but got back up again
- 30 Seconds To Mars “Alibi”
06. I was naive
Your love was like candy
Artificially sweet
I was deceived by the wrapping
Got caught in your web
and I learned how to plead
I was prey in your bed
and devoured completely.
- Christina Aguilera “Walk Away”
07. You will be the death
Yeah, you will be the death of me.
Bury it, I won’t let you bury it,
I won’t let you smother it,
I won’t let you murder it.
And our time is running out,
and out time is running out.
You can’t push it underground,
You can’t stop it screaming out.
- Muse “Time is Running Out”
01. Sing to me or with me. I don’t care if you sing bad or not. I just love listening.
02. Laugh at my stupidity & jokes.
03. Hugs and kisses.
04. Bring/cook me food or bake/buy me sweets. :P
05. Be yourself/real/honest.
06. Respect me.
07. Spend quality time with me.
08. Be there for me…even when I say I don’t need ya. I may be bluffin’.
lily allen - who’d have known (album version) (by jaydenvan)
01. Drinking caffeinated drinks don’t really effect me. I drink coffee and energy drinks here and there for taste.
02. Grey, forest green, teal, browns, soft peach, coral, and navy are my favorite colors. Obsessed…I keep buying clothes, bedding, and polishing my nails in these colors lately.
03. Apparently I’m a fun drunk. I’ll dance, sing, and teach you Vietnamese, even though I’m not fluent in it. Lol. Great entertainment for you. Embarrassment for me.
04. I’m obsessed with lip balm and applying it. I use only EOS, Blistex deep renewal, vaseline, and Rosebud salve.
05. DKNY be delicious (green one) and Fresh Citron de Vigne are my scents/perfumes.
06. I’ve been bowling a lot lately. So much, that I have a small callus forming on my thumb. I need to get my own shoes and bowling ball. What else is there do to during the winter months in Michigan? Lol. My highest score so far is 210.
07. I’m thinking about traveling to Rome, Italy by myself. Well, with a tour group or something. I’ll have to look into that. I wanna travel all over Europe really…I wanna see all the architecture and history. So fascinating to me. Once I get my shit together and save alot of money..I will do this.
08. I can’t stand negative, dramatic, shallow, and ugly-hearted people. Grow the fuck up and stop being so judgmental!
09. I’ve been using more organic products. I love Boscia skincare line! I have oily skin, and this line is great! I get it from Sephora, of course. I also love Pureology hair products. Pretty pricey…but I love the way it makes my hair feel and smell. Love how the conditioners give a tingly feeling. Ahhh. :) Yeah…I spoil myself.
01. God: Thank you for giving me such a blessed life..full of love, laughter, joy, and knowledge through experience.
02. Mom: Thank you for giving me life. Wish I really got to know you. People tell me all the time that I look like you. :) Love you. Miss you. rip
03. Paul (bro): what up, miss you, Love you
04. Lauren (sister): listen to your parents (they really know what’s up), stay strong, love yourself, be smart with your choices, do good in school, don’t sweat the small stuff, miss you, Love you
05. Alex & Andrei: Love you guys. Like my Russian family. :P You two have grown to be like my brother and sister.
06. Crystie & John: Love you guys too. Damn fobs….well…just Crystie. :P Thank you for everything. :)
07. Sandy P: You are stronger than you think you are.
08. Someone I won’t name: Grow the eff up! Seriously. And stop posting your life on FB.
09. B: Thank you for everything. :)
10. JS: Thank you for being a bit of inspiration for me in such a short amount of time. Wish the best to ya.
I know its more than ten ppl.
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confessionHere you go, Anon!
(via kiiimmm)
I don’t care if yall think I may be too old for this. I have the right to be egotistical from time to time. ^^ Sometimes doing these puts myself in check.
I couldn’t understand it. I don’t know if it was the drunken sex or the hangover or the travel or Amanda’s dad’s cultish procession or the thought of work in the morning, but something was terribly wrong with me. I lay still on my back, breathing very softly and slowly, and stared blankly at the…
It’s been quite a while since I’ve actually blogged about something. Reblogs don’t count.
I thought I’d share to whoever that cares what’s going on with me.
“You have to find it. No one else can find it for you.” - Bjorn Borg
A part of me is scared to be alone. I’ve been single now for a little over a month. Yeah, I know it’s not long, but for me it is. See, I’ve always been with a guy since I was 15 years old. That’s a long frickin’ time. I never wanted to admit, but my friend would frequently tell me, “You’re afraid of being alone”. That is partly true.
I was always a relationship type of girl. I’d be with someone for 2-4 years. And whenever I broke up with someone, the next guy wasn’t too far away (I do not mean that in a cocky way at all). But for once, I’m single now because I want to be. This time, I’m doing it for me.
I could honestly say that for the past 10 years, I have made a lot of choices in my life for a guy. None were controlling whatsoever. I was just “in love”. I wanted to do whatever it was to make them happy…most of the time. I would change myself to the image of what I thought my bf at the time, wanted me to be. That’s just how I was. Blind and weak. I guess, if I did what they liked, and didn’t do what they didn’t like, he’d never let me go. I’m not saying I was a phony/fake. I just monitored myself.
I’m 26 years old. Sucks that I don’t have someone to share with, but I’m happy to be alone. I need to be alone to figure out who I truly am. I can’t be with someone to do that because in my heart, I know I’ll start to put their needs in front instead of it being equal. I will lose myself again.
I don’t regret anything I’ve done or regret anyone I’ve dated. I will always cherish the great times and remember the bad times as lessons. I’ve learned so much about myself from each of them. That’s how you learn, right? Experience. Maybe it wasn’t that I was afraid of being alone. Maybe I was strong to risk being hurt to fall in love. And because I did, I know what I will tolerate and will not. I know what kind of man I want…and don’t.
When I was young, I used to say, “I wanna be married by 27, and have kids when I’m 30”. Lol. My thoughts on marriage now? No rush. Because of my experiences, I will not settle. My standards are high now. I’m pickier.
“Don’t compromise yourself. You’re all you’ve got.” - Janis Joplin
So what am I doing nowadays? Working, shopping here and there, saving money, working out, less Facebook-ing, less video game playing, more reading, and surrounding myself with great, positive people.
——-
This year, I plan on getting myself a car, my own apartment again, get in shape (lost 10 lbs already), read more, and my GED
Not sure what kind of car I want. I like the Mini Cooper, VW Jetta, Acura TL, VW GTI, Audi A3. I don’t know anything about cars, but I do know I mainly like coupes & hatchbacks.
For my own place, I’m so not ready for a house…not even to rent a house, so apartment it is. One/two bedroom. Walk-in closet, for sure. My own washer and dryer. Bathroom, kitchen, storage, etc.
I lost ten lbs by picking up cardio again: treadmill. I hate running, so i do intervals. Walk, run, walk on a 6-8 incline, walk at 0, run again, and on and on. I also stopped eating so much. Portion control. I eat like half of what I used to. And drink lots of water.
Reading: in the last three weeks, I’ve purchased 8 books:
Making Faces Kevin Aucoin (make-up book by the late MUA K.Aucoin)
Act Like A Lady, Think Like a Man Steve Harvey (such a great book! Almost done)
Buddha: A Story of Enlightenment Deepak Chopra
Skinny Bitch Rory Freedman & Kim Barnouin
The Best Advice Ever Given edited by Steven D. Price
The Lazy Intellectual: Maximum Knowledge, Minimum Effort Richard J. Wallace & James V. Wallace
The Essential Tales and Poems of Edgar Allan Poe edited by Benjamin F. Fisher
Committed: A Love Story Elizabeth Gilbert (continuation of Eat, Pray, Love)
As for my GED. I think I’m just gonna take the damn test and get it over with. First, I need to get a car to get there. Lol.
